suicidal, like us after listening to these songs

Throw-up Sunday – 30 Spotify Songs Spewed upon

Other medias do Throwback Thursdays.  But Enslain… well, we do Throw-up Sundays.  Classy, I know.

After a weekend of heavy metal [and heavy boozing], our corpses have little strength for much more than being slothful Sunday slugs, but we’ve conceived of a way to come together to the Enslain waterbed office as a grumpy group of gremlins – which I will call the “Spew Crew” – and hate on songs we’ve (mostly) never heard before.  Sorta like an acrimonious levyraati.

The first time was by accident.  Having no energy to even choose albums to listen to, I played my personalized Spotify Discover Weekly playlist, only to learn that most of it was detestable, derivative dog droppings [or perhaps everything just kinda sounds that way when you have a moody, melancholy hangover].  Normally, I only like to publish content that promotes music that’s worth being heard, but… this idea was just too fun!  And since the comments and the reviewers are anonymous, we’re safe to say whatever we damned well please.  You’re welcome.  Sorry.

Throw-up Sunday: January 22, 2017

 

Reverend Bizarre “Doom Over The World – Remix”

  • A fortuitous start! Classic Finnish hangover sustainer.  8/10
  • This has never been my favorite album from the band but I can’t help myself, I like the song (which is a bizarre thing on Throw Up Sunday after all…) 7/10
  • Good groove; the sound of beer bottles in the background made me wanna drink… a lot… of beers! 7/10
  • Simple, easy-going. Hearing beer bottles in the backround, I wish we would be in a bar now!  6/10

Lacrimas Profundere “You, My North”

  • Started slower than me on a Sunday. Lacking strength even when it tries.  Vocalist needs to be put down like a dying horse.  4/10
  • This bland song lacks any character. Well, okay, it lacks everything.  3/10
  • Feeling sleepy and I’m yawning all the time. 4/10
  • Not a song for this moment, it puts me to sleep. 4/10
With the Dead - "With the Dead"

With the Dead – “With the Dead”

With the Dead “Crown of Burning Stars”

  • Sounds like carrying your wife (the Finnish sport) through a swamp when hungover, set to dramatic slo-mo cinematography.   4/10
  • I can’t decide which is worse – the sound or the cover art. 3/10
  • Funny looking priests playing a lame ass song. 3/10
  • Really boring right now. 2/10

Sunrise “All This Time”

  • Immediately screamed “Happy Music!!” Sadly it was cliché and mediocre. I both like and hate their name, but the suicidal waif-like fairy-girl stepping off a cliff kinda happified me.  4/10
  • Get your power metal off my lawn!! This very happy-sounding song makes me very unhappy.  I can definitely say that all this time I’ve been waiting for the end of the song.  1/10
  • Makes me feel happy, I hate it! The bass player plays with a pick, I hate it!  The suicidal girl on a cliff in the cover art, I don’t hate it!  2/10
  • I feel like banging my head to the wall in this rhythm. 2/10

Our Oceans “What If”

  • Did something happen? I bet I could enjoy this live if there was a wacky light show and some poppers, but this had no power.  3/10
  • Not that I know what it is, ‘cause I don’t, but I know what it’s not. It’s not power metal and that’s what matters!  2/10
  • Jazzy and whiney shit, feeling sleepy again. 2/10
  • Am I in a loveboat dancing closely with prince charming? Thank heavens not!  2/10

Mantar “Carnal Rising”

  • Upbeatedly murky, or murkily upbeat. The 2-minute length stupefied us; defied the logic of a doomy song with so many interesting elements to end so abruptly!    7/10
  • One of the most abrupt endings possible which doesn’t mean the song was bad. 6/10
  • this song makes me angry; angry in a good way, I like it! I’m definitely not sleepy anymore. But why is this so damn short?  6/10
  • Whooa! Finally!  Let’s heandbang!  7/10

Xandria “We are Murderers (We All)”

  • I feel murderous. Hated the guitar tone.  Cringed when the girl started singing.  Wanted to murder myself when it went into opera mode.  At least I’m happy to have a buffet break during 70000tons of Metal… 3/10
  • Intro with the chorus was okay. Too bad the harsh vocals and main vocals weren’t.  This song made me want a beer and a decent black metal album (at least the beer problem was fixed very quickly).  3/10
  • The singing… Noooo, please make it stop! Luckily I had a cold and fresh beer from the fridge during this song.  1/10
  • Somebody please kick the woman to the throat! When she’s not singing the song is awesome!  7/10

Distorted Harmony “Misguided”

  • Yay, some prog! I should like this, but the vocalist sounded so feeble.  Otherwise fun and well-done.  5/10
  • Please don’t tell me this lasts for 8 minutes. 3/10
  • Meth, math and chemistry. Nice rhythms, made me calculate (which is usually impossible while being this hung over). 7/10
  • “Where’s my bed?” was my first thought, but when I continue listening to it, the song catches me. 5/10

Tengger Cavalry – “Cavalry in Thousands”

Tengger Cavalry “Cavalry in Thousands”

  • Mongolian metal. Never have enjoyed overly ethnic music gimmickery, nor the muted and displeasing throat-singing.  Best part is the melody of the violin-sounding Mongol instrument thingie.  6/10
  • Their hats made me want to have a cat on my lap and stroke it, stroke it, stroke it! The song also included throat singing and serious abuse of folk instruments.  6/10
  • Throat singing, exotic instruments, good flow and a very interesting song structure. Makes me wonder, am I a folk metalhead after all?  8/10
  • INTERESTING! 5/10

Hollow World “Defiling Paradise”

  • The music is as intricate as the artwork, but it’s too much to take in. Enjoyed when it settled a bit into more digestible music.  Liking it more as it goes on.  7/10
  • Nothing really bad here, but nothing special either. No strong feelings, just me being a bit negative today… 4/10
  • Awesome drumming, very aggressive and hateful. Just the kind of song I need for these hungover grumpy feelings I’m experiencing.  8/10
  • A perfect song for this moment! 8/10

Underling “Guided”

  • Background music. Thoroughly inoffensive; somewhat numbing.  5/10
  • I couldn’t listen to the whole album, but this song had a certain charm to it. 5/10
  • Very mediocre and slow paced song. Not working for me at the moment.  4/10
  • This song is perfect for the lonely nights. I love the ambiance of the song; I want to listen to more of this melancholic depressive awesome shit.  9/10

Tau Cross “Hangmans Hyll”

  • They spelled “hill” wrong, whattup wit dat? What even is this?  Feeling a bit anxious; the vocals are neither powerful nor uplifting.  3/10
  • The song didn’t really convince me and its ending was way too repetitive. Yawn yawn yawn.  3/10
  • Bored! 3/10
  • Let’s just all hold hands while standing in a circle and sing along loudly. 4/10

Bölzer “Hero”

  • Not sure what everyone seems to see in this band. This is one of their more chill songs, and it just goes nowhere.  3/10
  • After 5 minutes I found out this has 7 minutes and I kind of disliked the song for being too long. 5/10
  • The singer sounds like he has an entire raw potato stuck in his throat. 4/10
  • I need to give this song another try. 4/10

Panzerballet “Typewriter II”

  • At least the name says it all, but why would anyone want to listen to a fucking typewriter? Can’t handle this jazz-infused instrumental prog non-song.  1/10
  • Are my ears bleeding yet? 1/10
  • What is this cacophony?? Hurts my brain!  1/10
  • Next! 2/10

Tim Bowness “Press Reset”

  • I’d rather listen to a typewriter. 1/10
  • The shift from weak and boring vocals to ‘heavier’ part couldn’t be less smooth. 1/10
  • Ambient nonsense, stupid things that mean nothing. 2/10
  • I didn’t mean this kind of “Next”! 1/10
Sunterra - "Lost Time"

Sunterra – “Lost Time”

Sunterra “Fields of Pain”

  • Flute and synth whirling nonsensically around. No cohesive thought behind any of it.  Then a pretentious girl voice comes in.  Unnecessary, all of it.  2/10
  • This is not how you folk metal. At least the cover was quite intriguing ‘cause it made me think if the human-shaped creatures on it are children or skinny midgets.  Eventually we came to the conclusion these must be Jawa from Star Wars!!  2/10
  • Thumbs up for the transverse flute! Such a hypnotic instrument.  Otherwise, nothing special in this one.  3/10
  • At least it’s metal. 2/10

Ahab “Like Red Foam (The Great Storm)”

  • Droning but in a thought-capturing way; lead guitar playfully interweaving. Growing on me.  7/10
  • Background music with not so good vocals… But long enough to sound better after a couple of minutes. 5/10
  • Kinda depressing but in a good way. A bit monotonous.  Good melodies.  6/10
  • C’mon, I just started lagging even more… 2/10

Audiotopsy “Headshot”

  • Everything I hate about modern metal. 2/10
  • Too average to write something good about it. 2/10
  • Basic nu-metal bullshit. 2/10
  • Teenager metal… 2/10

Vivrum “Ad Rigorem”

  • Too technical at the heavy expense of songwriting. Paradoxically, unnaturally speedy yet slow.  3/10
  • I feel like they tried to do way too many things at the same time and failed. 3/10
  • Very… very messy song with a nice prog part in the middle of it. 4/10
  • This really messed up picture came into my mind: A young lad with baggy clothes is at a metal concert banging his head in a slow rhythm of the drums. Kinda like the ball in a pinball game.  3/10

Angra “Synchronicity II”

  • Hey, I know this song, this is a The Police cover! Fun rendition, and I’m liking the singer.  Gotta get more familiar with these guys original material!  8/10
  • Why do they have vocals in this song? 2/10
  • Fresh and very well done cover song. I think I heard a Hammond being played in the background, that is awesome!  7/10
  • Some good elements, like the guitar solo (even though it was short). The vocalist’ voice isn’t my cup of tea. 4/10

40 Watt Sun “Pictures”

  • Song failed to develop through its superfluous length. So lifeless.  2/10
  • They have a sound in this ten minutes of boredom. 1/10
  • I’m getting bored, sleepy, angry and grumpy. And this lasts for almost 10 mins?? Neeeext!  1/10
  • I miss my pillow. 2/10

Sarkom “Previous Associates, Now as Targets for the Gun”

  • The title conjures interesting theories… music is solid, but too many parts to hold together well. 6/10
  • It has potential to it, very rhythmic and quite punchy. (But seriously guys, learn how to make up some catchier and shorter song titles…)  4/10
  • Groovy, heavy and angry song for an angry and hungover listener. Got me interested.  7/10
  • When’s their next concert!? The groove was interesting.  8/10

Solitude Aeternus “Scent of Death”

  • It’s good doom. I’m not 100% swayed by the vocals, but I’m happy they’re clean.  6/10
  • Slowly but steadily the song develops. 5/10
  • It’s doom, probably good but I can’t concentrate in this kind of stuff right now. 5/10
  • Too long. Too boring.  Too doom.  2/10

Lord Belial “Trumpets of Doom”

  • I’m liking the guitar tone and leading bass lines, but the keyboards were unexpected in a bad way. Kicked into higher gear after exclaiming the song title, but the following tempo change killed the more vicious mood.  I’m a little confused.  6/10
  • Quite an energetic one. 6/10
  • A strong and solid song that keeps your interest. Nice piano part also.  8/10
  • 5/10

Trollfest “Steel Sarah”

  • I have no use for schoolhouse folk, nor the people who love this kinda wishy-washy drivel. 2/10
  • My question is ‘WHY’? This is not how you folk metal vol.2.  1/10
  • Troll metal for kids.. yeah, no way! 1/10
  • So now I know what drunken trolls sound like. 1/10

Oddland “Esotericism”

  • Intriguing somehow. Nerd prog with ambitious and unconventional vocal melodies.  Sometimes too prog to be musical.  5/10
  • I’m not sure if the vocals matched the music but at least it wasn’t another song by Trollfest. 6/10
  • I’m definitely not in the mood for this. 4/10
  • Doesn’t work for me. 2/10

Die Krupps “Alive in a Glass Cage”

  • Can’t discern what I’m listening to or why. I have no grasp of this.  3/10
  • Just bad. 2/10
  • Electronic drums and ass-wiggling. Seems to be a German thing.  4/10
  • Why the electronic drum solo in the middle of the song? Simply strange.  2/10

Murg “Den siste i brödraskapet”

  • Tedious and noisy with a messy-sounding clean interlude. 2/10
  • Opening with some blackish tortured screams and developing slightly by the end. 6/10
  • Too much everything simultaneously. Makes no sense.  2/10
  • It’s noise. 3/10

Crimson Glory “Last Reflection”

  • Knife, meet arm. These vocals are like spitting sperm.  And the theatricism is irksome.  2/10
  • Very theatrical and very far from my musical taste. 1/10
  • I think this kinda music is not for me, but this has something in it. It caught my attention; the song is theatrical and not forgettable.  3/10
  • At least it has something to catch on. 4/10

The Doomsday Kingdom “Never Machine”

  • I wouldn’t listen to this again. 3/10
  • Simply boring if you ask me… 2/10
  • I know this song even though I don’t know this song. 3/10
  • (I want to go home.) 4/10

And then there was silence.  Score: 11/10.

And in typical Enslain fashion, one of our Spew Crew failed wretchedly at navigating the public transit connections away from Enslain HQ, taking an hour to get 20 minutes away.  Thank you, beer.

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